Saturday, February 24, 2007
But wait, there's more!
Right after that, I got another blessing. Susan and I had just agreed yesterday that toys aren't the same as real men; but now, thanks to the wonders of email marketing, I can enlarge my penis! This day just keeps getting better.
Now, if I can just get a powerful televangelist on the phone to stop the snowstorm headed our way, I'll truly lack for nothing. I expect a woman of my vast wealth should have no problem getting through.
How's your day going?
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Let's start with the first statement.
The last man that I had an intimate relationship with told me that I would never find anyone to treat me better. Oh please, I said, you're under the impression that I need someone, and I don't. He seemed puzzled.
Oh, if I had a dollar for every time I heard that, there'd be people crawling out the woodwork claiming to be my baby's daddy. It's as bad as its fraternal twin: "If I can't make it with you, I can't make it with anyone." And not too far removed from its cousin, "If you loved me, you would."
Let's break this down, shall we? (But before I do, let me state that I have nothing but respect for the men who regularly read and comment on this blog--I doubt any of them have used these lines. At least, not since leaving puberty. *g*)
(Cue Lou Rawls) "You'll never find..."
Ahem. And why not? Guys, you may think you're showcasing just how deep your love is, but think about what that statement actually means. Why wouldn't we be able to find someone else to love us deeply? If we inspire such grand passion, are we not capable of inspiring it in someone else? Or are we not truly that lovable and we'd better grab onto you now because we won't get another chance? Is this a threat? That'll have us swooning. Please, talk to your sons about this.
Next, on a more personal note:
The only problem that I have found is sex. I don't want to have random sex and don't feel like I'm wired for that. Yeah, yeah...toys, I know, but it's not the same and all women know it. Do you think this is why you write about it? And isn't that some type of torture?
I can relate to that, Susan. I'm not wired for it either, though I wish I were. I did give it a try, thought I might be able to work out a win-win solution, but found I just couldn't do it. Hence, I had to give it up.
However, as time goes by (guys, you might want to close your eyes here, or go check out Ms Dewey because this is gonna be some serious gal talk) :)
I've noticed that there is a correlation between the times I feel the most sexual and ovulation. That makes it easier to deal with - I see it as any other natural bodily response (such as hunger or thirst) and just as it would be foolish to eat a dozen donuts because I have an appetite for them--since they'd make me sick and do all sorts of damage--I also know I shouldn't go out and have sex just because I have an appetite for that.
While it's true that solo sex can't replace the physical warmth of another human being, noticing the body's ebbs and flows somehow makes it easier for me to deal with the lack. I simply observe what's happening the same as I would notice when I'm hungry and need to make healthy choices to calm the stomach rumbling. (Your mileage may vary - and I'm still working on making the healthy food choices. Getting control of one appetite at a time...and let's not even go there re: substituting food for sex.) The biggest difference of course, is that you won't die without sex. You might feel like you're going to, but you won't. :)
Actually, I will address sublimation because you asked if I write about sex to fill the lack of it in my real life, and asked if that's torture.
Answers: possibly, and not really.
It is an outlet, though quite frankly, the fact that I'm having a tough time remembering how it's done because it's been so long makes me feel unqualified to write on the subject. :)
Seriously, though, I have considered giving up trying to write romance and erotica because I am so far removed from it now. On the other hand, I love writing fantasy and the fact that I'll probably never pet a dragon or capture a fairy wouldn't stop me from writing about it. And that's not even an accurate comparison because I have had exciting relationships in the past, so I can draw on that experience when I write.
Now, if at some point in the distant future I decide I want to share my life with someone, it want it to be just that: A decision to share. I would want the decision to based good reasons and not because I was lonely, horny or seeking security. And certainly not because I'd been threatened with never finding another. :)
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
I've read so many sad tales of the lengths people will go to just to have a relationship (JR's blog has several); have watched scores of friends settle into less than fulfilling relationships because they didn't want to be alone, that I'm speaking out. (Warning - long blathering ahead)
Several years ago, a number of friends of mine and I were going through relationship problems at the same time. One friend was dating, but felt that every man she met just used her for sex, another friend's husband had left her to "find himself" after 20+ years of marriage, yet another called off her engagement because her fiance just seemed to shut down and quit communicating with her, and I had just broken up (for numerous reasons) with a man I was briefly engaged to.
As I was laying in bed one night, I asked myself why I had even agreed to get married in the first place, when the truth was, I really didn't want to and knew it when I said 'yes'. (The same could be said the both times I did go through with it.) I then thought of the other women.
On their own, they were all capable, intelligent, vivacious, fun and charming. Yet they seemed to lose themselves in relationships - they would turn either controlling and bitchy, or clingy and insecure, allowing themselves to be treated badly. (More often the latter.) I thought of men I knew who, on their own, were intelligent, charming, fun and acted with integrity. Yet, put a woman in their vicinity and they turned into something else entirely.
I kept asking myself "why?" Why do we do this to ourselves and each other? Don't we, at heart, want the same things? After a while, I began to believe that maybe not. Maybe we really don't want the same things. Maybe we're just hardwired very differently. (I still don't have any answers to that - if you do, please share.)
In the end, I decided that all I could focus on what was I wanted for myself. I realized that in each instance of a long-term relationship, I was looking for a sense of security. Not necessarily financial security - just a sense that there was someone else who would help me out and take care of me if I needed it. It was a strong enough desire that I was willing to sacrifice key parts of myself to try to fulfill it. That's when I realized that no one else will ever be able to give me that. It's impossible. We never know what each day will bring.
I started focusing on what made me happy, and I realized the times I was happiest in my life only once had to do with someone else (my daughter) - every other time I was alone. The transcendent moments of joy that I experienced were when I was doing something completely and solely for me. I realized that I'd spent the greater portion of my life caring for other people - mother, brothers, husbands, child - very seldom did I ever just take care of me.
Thus, I decided to forgo relationships entirely and I've never been more at peace with myself. I've spent the past several years alone raising my daughter and trying to work in some "me" time. When I received the contract for my first short story, I experienced a happiness that I have to say I've never had in a relationship. The weekends I spent with my critique partners, pouring over our writing, brought me more pleasure than any weekend wondering what to wear on a date.
Which brings me to my point: I wholeheartedly believe that one of the greatest problems facing mankind is that people don't know how to be alone and be happy. They search for solutions outside themselves: sex, alcohol, drugs, religion, marriage. Yes, I said it: marriage. For some, it's just another escape. Yet we see what happens when people don't know how to be happy by themselves and marry the first person who comes along: ugly divorces, unhappy or unwanted children. Then they just keep on going to the next person, making things worse.
I often feel like an alien on this planet. You see, I don't know another soul who truly feels the way I do. Several people (most) pay lip service to the idea, but when it comes right down to it, they'd still rather be in a relationship, even if it's a bad one.
People don't believe me when I say I like being alone. They think I'm just hurt/bitter/afraid/deluded, whatever. They say I just haven't met a good man (or had good sex) - um, no, I've known good men, had good sex. That's NOT the issue. Then they look at me in horror and say, "But don't you get lonely?" They can't comprehend when I say that honestly, I'm not even sure what "lonely" means. I don't know what they're talking about. Does that make me an anomaly? Maybe.
I'm not afraid. I like my life. I see it as pure potential. That's exciting.
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Even though I was a little huffy about the UK article that referred to paranormal romance as "para porn", I will freely admit that in my case--with this story--it sorta fits. And I make no apologies. *g*
Here's the link if you'd like to read it. Masquerade 3 Review
It was a little embarrassing, though, because my daughter and one of her friends were standing over my shoulder when I read it. I wasn't expecting the explicit references to the story as they were laid out, so you can imagine my horror when they started screaming "Oh my god, MOM! You wrote about a threesome?!"
Oh, well. Cat's out of the bag now. Yikes. I suppose I can expect a visit from child welfare any day now.
Friday, February 16, 2007
Why horror writing will be big in 2007
Though I must admit to being a little ticked off by their reference to what they sneeringly called "Para Porn" - paranormal romance. Snots.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
- Do you ever buy short stories in print?
- Do you like reading them?
- Writing them?
- Do you like anthologies?
- Do you prefer anthologies of stories by the same writer, or a group of different writers?
- Do you ever buy single short stories in e-book format?
- Have you ever purchased ebook anthologies?
- Do you hate short stories or anthologies, or have strong opinions about why you'd rather buy a novel?
Just gathering information because I'm still working on that publishing business... :)
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Nevertheless, if I see one more press release that illustrates Bush's blatant attempts to justify an invasion of Iran, I'm going to start writing letters to the Canadians, the Swedes, the Danes, the Australians--even the Brits who are tired of it all, too, and BEG them to invade the U.S. to liberate us from our mad dictator. Would some lovers of liberty please come save us?
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
It made me wonder how other people experience the scenes and characters in their books. I've been guilty of expecting everyone to be like me: I see (and consciously try to feel) everything in my head, then have to try to translate that into words. It didn't occur to me that other people might experience it differently. (Duh)
I wondered if the differences could be traced along learner styles: aural, kinesthetic and visual. I'm a strong visual learner with feeling/doing coming in second place - almost no auditory involvement at all. In fact, my daughter was aggravated with me last night because I couldn't understand what she was reading to me unless I looked at it myself.
So now I'm really curious -- how do you experience the characters and scenes you write about? Do you see them? Hear them? Feel them? Something else?
Inquiring minds want to know. Can you see a correlation to your learning style?
Friday, February 9, 2007
Sunday, February 4, 2007
Maybe I'll start percolating ideas again if I'm lucky.
So, I'll see you all around in a week or so. Until then--GO BEARS, and have a great week everyone. I'll miss you. :)
Friday, February 2, 2007
Yeah, I said it. And I ain't askeered o' you.
Thursday, February 1, 2007
July 11--RWA national convention
July 13--Release of film: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
July 14--Daughter's birthday
July 21--Release of the final book: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows
I see I'm going to have to take two weeks vacation that month. No real reason for this post other than I'm excited. :)