Let's start with the first statement.
The last man that I had an intimate relationship with told me that I would never find anyone to treat me better. Oh please, I said, you're under the impression that I need someone, and I don't. He seemed puzzled.
Oh, if I had a dollar for every time I heard that, there'd be people crawling out the woodwork claiming to be my baby's daddy. It's as bad as its fraternal twin: "If I can't make it with you, I can't make it with anyone." And not too far removed from its cousin, "If you loved me, you would."
Let's break this down, shall we? (But before I do, let me state that I have nothing but respect for the men who regularly read and comment on this blog--I doubt any of them have used these lines. At least, not since leaving puberty. *g*)
(Cue Lou Rawls) "You'll never find..."
Ahem. And why not? Guys, you may think you're showcasing just how deep your love is, but think about what that statement actually means. Why wouldn't we be able to find someone else to love us deeply? If we inspire such grand passion, are we not capable of inspiring it in someone else? Or are we not truly that lovable and we'd better grab onto you now because we won't get another chance? Is this a threat? That'll have us swooning. Please, talk to your sons about this.
Next, on a more personal note:
The only problem that I have found is sex. I don't want to have random sex and don't feel like I'm wired for that. Yeah, yeah...toys, I know, but it's not the same and all women know it. Do you think this is why you write about it? And isn't that some type of torture?
I can relate to that, Susan. I'm not wired for it either, though I wish I were. I did give it a try, thought I might be able to work out a win-win solution, but found I just couldn't do it. Hence, I had to give it up.
However, as time goes by (guys, you might want to close your eyes here, or go check out Ms Dewey because this is gonna be some serious gal talk) :)
I've noticed that there is a correlation between the times I feel the most sexual and ovulation. That makes it easier to deal with - I see it as any other natural bodily response (such as hunger or thirst) and just as it would be foolish to eat a dozen donuts because I have an appetite for them--since they'd make me sick and do all sorts of damage--I also know I shouldn't go out and have sex just because I have an appetite for that.
While it's true that solo sex can't replace the physical warmth of another human being, noticing the body's ebbs and flows somehow makes it easier for me to deal with the lack. I simply observe what's happening the same as I would notice when I'm hungry and need to make healthy choices to calm the stomach rumbling. (Your mileage may vary - and I'm still working on making the healthy food choices. Getting control of one appetite at a time...and let's not even go there re: substituting food for sex.) The biggest difference of course, is that you won't die without sex. You might feel like you're going to, but you won't. :)
Actually, I will address sublimation because you asked if I write about sex to fill the lack of it in my real life, and asked if that's torture.
Answers: possibly, and not really.
It is an outlet, though quite frankly, the fact that I'm having a tough time remembering how it's done because it's been so long makes me feel unqualified to write on the subject. :)
Seriously, though, I have considered giving up trying to write romance and erotica because I am so far removed from it now. On the other hand, I love writing fantasy and the fact that I'll probably never pet a dragon or capture a fairy wouldn't stop me from writing about it. And that's not even an accurate comparison because I have had exciting relationships in the past, so I can draw on that experience when I write.
Now, if at some point in the distant future I decide I want to share my life with someone, it want it to be just that: A decision to share. I would want the decision to based good reasons and not because I was lonely, horny or seeking security. And certainly not because I'd been threatened with never finding another. :)